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    Danny Green's Creepy Pasta Mary Sue Reviews/Critiques Part 2

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    Ocean Elf
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    Danny Green's Creepy Pasta Mary Sue Reviews/Critiques Part 2

    Post by Ocean Elf on Tue Jun 20, 2017 2:03 pm

    Danny Green's Creepy Pasta Mary Sue Reviews/Critiques 2



    Edited for language. In most cases, the f-bomb was replaced with the words 'blast' 'mess' and 'bray' because they might as well be braying if they can't think of anything better to say The four-letter c word was replaced with 'puke' and so on..

    Something everybody does is hold the subgenera of horror known as creepy pasta up as something like sacred. They all go on about whether or not some character is worthy of being classified as a creepy pasta, as if that is some sort of honour.

    It is not.

    Creepy pasta is not sacred by a long shot due to where it originated and because of its viral nature. 4chan chain letters AKA memes with a horror bent, basically. Even the notorious Teddy chain letter is a creepy pasta.

    So if it's a Mary Sue, it isn't unworthy to be a creepy pasta, it belongs there.

    Danny's Rant and Review, Episode 2: Creepypasta OCs Part 2

    Good [day/night/evening/afternoon/apocalypse] everyone, and welcome to part two of this Creepypasta OC crapfest. Danny here with the second installment that you all have been sitting on the edge of your chairs waiting for. And by that I mean occasionally checking back to this site between the hundreds of other hate blogs on the internet. Or white knight stalking this page.

    So let me start with an apology: Pokémon, Grand Theft Auto V, and general laziness. There you have the reasons I haven't done this yet. Plus I have to read these Hamgodawful creepypastas. Go easy on me.

    I actually had to go back to part one and read up on where I was, so in this part I am covering creepypasta OC's with an actual bio, and will probably crap all over something you love.

    2spoky

    Let's start by crapping on creepypastas in general. The whole point of a creepypasta is obvious: To be creepy or scary, this is something that none of these OCs not one I have ever seen have managed to do. No Jeff the killer isn't scary, neither is Slenderman (Though very well done) Jeff the Killer is just badly written literacy gorn, which got lucky with all the Sasuke fangirls on deviantArt who thinks that brooding dark and psychopathic is totally hawt.

    Ben Drowned is also a case of very well done video editing, but they took it off the deep end with the whole cult thing.

    Squidward Suicide has it's own special award for birthing hundreds of "lost episodes" with HYPER REALISTIC BLEEDING EYES. Because how the bray do eyes even become hyper realistic?

    Yes, "Hyper realistic" indeed.

    Current creepypastas are nothing more than gorn in the written format. They watched "The Thing" or "The Exorcist" and, wanting to copy it, made "Tokyo Gore Police"(Funny as he|| movie check it out) Whilst I still love a good horror story, I can't read half of the crap these people put out what they call Scary! Finding a good story now is close to impossible, you just have to get lucky.

    And as I mentioned I'm a huge horror nut, I have more horror movies than I know what to braying do with. So this still hits me right in the special pace, somewhere near the signed copy of The Evil Dead, and the bottle of habanero sauce.

    But enough bullcrap, let's get to the reviews.

    Nice checkered shoes. I hope you get hit by a racecar.

    Here we have Delia Cannibal. What can I say about the design? Well let's run the checklist for creepypasta characters:

    Underage

    Ruined clothes

    Constant bleeding

    Missing eye

    RED EYEEEEES

    Kitchen knife

    Yep, this is a crappypasta character right here. If she has time to keep her hair perfectly emo, she has time to go to Hot Topic and pick up a new pair of braying pants. Secondly, why are her molars exposed? I understand rotted flesh and zombie stuff, but wouldn't they be the last to go, the sides of the lips would be first.

    Anything else to say? bray, I don't know, it's your typical edgy teenager character but with more blood and guts.

    On to the bio.

    "Pain, so much pain.. Over years and years

    I was diffrent then the other Teenagers...

    Just like everybody else. Attention all goth kids, or "different" kids: You are not, you just are not different. You think you are a unique snowflake, well so do the rest of the unique snowflakes. And in the end you all hit the ground and clump together to become slush.

    Mach: Poetic. Truly poetic.

    they didn't accept me, they bullied and ignores me all the time. Pain, so much Pain...

    It embarrasses me to say I used to type...like this... Every other word...had this...drawn out speech...but... I had no idea...that it was not what I thought it was...

    I always had depressions, They could help me...but they didn't they still ignored and hated me.

    Another tip for the kids feeling left out: Pull your finger out your arse and go talk to somebody, chances are they won't think you are such and antisocial puke, if you are not an antisocial puke.

    I always suppressed my hate and my wrath. Bit this was a mistake..a big mistake...

    lonely...so...lonely...

    Mach: Boring...so...boring...

    "Hey you stupid Emo wench!", they said. Every and every day... and much worser things.

    Just like high school. Wait, are you saying everyone does that in high school or are you just being an over-dramatic puke? Well crap! I guess being bullied in high school doesn't make you an interesting character. So people can stop using it now. Please.

    I felt worser every day. I started to cutting me and had suicide thoughts and then... murderous thoughts...

    I wantet to see...Blood...THEIR BLOOD! I lought i lought so diseased.

    I have no idea what "I lought" means so I will leave this line to Dickie or Mach. Also, and I think I have said it every line so far, this character seems like a puke.

    Dickieb: I think that this person should have been born earlier when all the people who talked like that were on Myspace.

    Mach: Well, "lought" means "crap self" so I assume that line means she took a diseased dump in her undies. Or she just misspelled "thought" and then failed at making an actual sentence.

    Next day I dook a knife in my Schoolbag. "they will die, they will all die!",I laught. Something inside me broke...my Psyche. All I wanted, was to kill.

    I thougt the whole way to the Busstop about my revenge.

    Because nothing says murder like waiting for the bus!

    Mach: Have mercy.

    I crossed the street and didn't realized anything. Suddenly, a car crashed into me.

    Blood was all over the street.

    Oh Final Destination, you will always be there for me.

    No seriously, I actually laughed at this part. It may make me a basilisk, but imagine a little angry emo kid running across the road with a knife. "Yaaaa--" *BOOM* Hit by a bus! That crap's hilarious.

    Mach: Honestly, imagining emos getting hit by busses was my second-favourite pastime when I was younger.

    Feel...my Pain...

    Mach: No.

    Name: Delia Cannibal

    Age: 15

    Species: Undead.

    Mach: Dumbass parents should've changed their surname. Inevitably, the "Cannibal" family is going to have a kid who turns into a creepypasta.

    Friends:

    NOPE! NOT DOING THIS FRIENDS/ENEMIES crap! It's always braying Slenderman and Jeff the Killer. bray that.

    Mach: C'mon, Danny, it can't be that--

    Friends: Jeff the Killer, Eyeless Jack, BEN DROWNED, Smile.Dog, Mr. Widemouth, Slenderman, Trenderman, Splendorman,Offenderman,the SeedEater

    Mach: Crud, he was right.

    Needs to inhale daily chemical Gas to avoid decay.

    You mean embalming fluid right? And you don't inhale that stuff.

    Mach: Inhaling, drinking, or injecting it are all things you shouldn't do.

    Well what can I say about this?

    It's a typical example of how bad this crap can get. I mean, what the bray does this have to do with creepypastas? I have no idea. This should just be a OC or something along those lines. If you don't have a story, you are not a creepypasta. And this? This is just crap. It's not the least bit creepy, it's not scary-looking, and hell, even the fact she's a zombie doesn't mean crap when she acts and moves like a human. No reason why she became a zombie, no reason why she didn't try to do anything about her pukeiness. Just your typical "I'm a misunderstood teenager" bullcrap you hear from kids all the braying time.

    I guess I should give some more constructive criticism on this. Learn how rot works, if she has decayed enough to lose her cheeks, other parts would have rotted off too. And Google embalming fluid. It's not a gas.

    And finally, learn to write without putting "..." between every other word.

    Dickieb: May I also interject that this person needs to read/watch more stories (that aren't creepypastas) and not regurgitate others' terrible creepypasta stories? This crap sounds like the person cut a page out of "Spewky Scary Stories for Teenz" and rearranged some things with scissors and glue, and this character is pretty much a personification of that.

    Mach: Also stop putting all of the creepypasta settings together. If they're a group of monsters that all talk and hang out together they stop being remotely scary and it turns into some kind of stupid Monster High situation. Come to think of it, this kind of looks like a Monster High doll.

    Ratings:

    Danny: puke/10

    Dickieb: woooo im so crayzee watch out i might stab you/10

    Mach: Emo/10

    Reminds me of blackjack. If he used a really long paintbrush as a weapon.

    Dickie: For a second I thought that recorder was a bloody finger.

    Hurrah, now we have Grace. I won't lie, this is one of the creepypasta OCs I have been looking forward to. Because whilst searching for more, she wouldn't get out of my braying face.

    And not only does she have a pointless backstory, she is also a puke! YAY pukeS!

    Mach, I want a counter on how many times I say puke in this review.

    Mach: Done and done.

    Before I do the bio, I will review the design. The checklist:

    Black eyes

    Blood

    Something oozing

    Well it's not that bad, considering what it is. Of course, I have to comment on the stitches, Why are they there? After the wounds heal, don't you take the stitches out? Or if she doesn't heal, I get to add an extra tick on the creepypasta design thing.

    I actually like the whole stitches thing, but I have been doing that for years, so I have an unfair bias.

    Dickie: I'm really not sure what to think of this, I'm so conflicted on the stitches and the face. Creepy characters are supposed to scare you, and this isn't scary. Either make them look scary or make their personality scary... just something.

    Her old design is the same, just with some of that teenage girl "Noo don't be scared of me, IM GON EAT YO FACE! XD" trash.

    Name: Grace

    Just Grace.

    Age: 19

    Height: 5'4" (1m 62cm)

    Her purpose: Kill everyone who is scared of she

    Her old reference had her crying, wanting friends, and yet in the same picture she is eating someone's eyes. Well crap, no wonder people be scared of you, wench!

    Dickie: I swear, looking at these gramatical errors, did I go back in time to 2006, or am I just out of touch with the next generation of people? I almost never run into people who talk like this anymore.

    Likes: Quiet places, electro and dubstep music, candy, Cats, her doll, eyes.

    She likes to go to quiet places like the library, curl into the corner...

    THEN BLAST SOME DUBSTEP!

    Dislikes: Loud noises,

    But...dubstep.

    Dickie: Think of that kid who everyone knew in school who liked to be quiet and didn't like loud sounds, but then contradicted themselves by sitting in a corner alone listening to Slipknot because they wanted music to angst to.

    when the people is scared of she, being alone, bullies.

    Well bray, looks like her face sort of ruins all of that. Alone? Get surgery on your horrifically messed-up face. Bullies, well maybe if your face wasn't messed up and, oh, if you didn't eat people's eyes!

    Weapon: Iron Pipe

    At least it's not a kitchen knife.

    RelationShip: Taken

    Mach: Between her face and the fact that she's wielding a bloody pipe/paintbrush/recorder I imagine her boyfriend is either another creepypasta or a deranged nutjob.

    Story: Grace was a little girl -7 or 8 years- and she didn't have friends. Her mother was never in home and she was all alone. Her Dad... she didn't have one. She was poor in personality and the other kids bullied her for be poor.

    "For be poor." Heh. So, was she poor poor? Or poor in personality (aka. pukey)? Because being bullied for being a puke is your own fault.

    The whole not having friends thing. I don't even braying remember primary school. Except when I knocked over some kids lego castle with my truck. But bray that kid!

    Mach: I think you don't remember primary school because it wasn't traumatic for you. I know people who were bullied back then and it definitely leaves one with some baggage. Not "psychopathic murderer" baggage, but still...

    "Mom I wish you were here" she always said when she was alone. Grace was very bad in the school, she only had bad marks and her mom was worried about it.

    It's primary school. It really doesn't matter.

    No seriously, you could kill someone in primary school and get away with it.

    Editor's note to readers in the K-8 grade range: Don't actually kill anyone, you won't get away with it. Feel free to beat those demn kids up though.

    Dickie: At this point I'm going to assume that English isn't this person's first language.

    Grace always played in a forest near to her home, climbing in the trees or running around. She was a quiet girl. 6 year passed and she was so sick of the bullies. She thought that her mom never loved her and she escaped from her house with a bag.

    She thought her mother never loved her, even though she was probably working to death to keep a roof over her head, and was worried about her grades so she doesn't end up ignorant. crap, why do so many characters not look between the lines of parents actions.

    Dickie: Because your typical teenager doesn't? I know I didn't, and I thought some stupid crap back then and was ungrateful to my parents at times, whether I like to admit it or not.

    She ran to the forest adn then she open the bag. She took a knife and rat poison. She start to cut her skin with the knife taking off her skin.

    Dickie: I think you forgot to add the part where she was mentally disturbed.

    Why? No seriously, why do that? She didn't have any sort of body dysmorphic disorder, so why was she cutting off her skin, instead of just slitting her throat?

    ATTENTION CREEPY PASTA CHARACTERS: If you want to die, don't do it the slow painful way, chances are you will just pass out from blood loss before you finish. Just jam that kitchen knife into your jugular, or slit an artery and sit in a warm bath.

    Dickie: Or shove a recorder through your trachea because your "possessed" copy of Mario 3 was 2spewky4u.

    With her last power she put poison in her eyes and her vision turn black with an horrible pain. She fell down in the ground, bleeding and she said "I'm sorry... I can't take it".

    Mach: Who the crapping bray are you sorry to? You know how many people stop suicide partway because they have second thoughts? If you were remotely sorry, you would've stopped somewhere between slicing your face off and shoving rat pellets into your corneas.

    Dickie: I push my rat poison into myyyyy eyyyesssss! It's the only thing that slowly stops the aaaaaaaaache!

    This is your own fault for trying to do this crap Saw style. The body will try to stop you. Also, why would you put rat poison into your braying eyes!?

    Grace wake up in a bed, but, How?

    Clearly someone heard a stupid puke crying like a wench and helped her.

    She was in an hospital just with a little pain in her eyes. She realized that she could only see in black and white.

    Rat poison does not work that way.

    Mach: Blindness does not work this way.

    Dickieb: But how else would it be artistically edgy and scary?

    "How do you feel Grace" said a medic close to her. "Why am I here?", "Well, we saved you Grace", "NO! I wanted to die!"

    Mach: I'm pretty certain doctors hear that line on a weekly basis.

    She didn't try to kill herself, she did improvised body modification. No, seriously, cutting off your skin is not a suicide option. In fact in some places, you can do it for a price. Scarring is actually becoming more popular. Especially the tribal crap. It's pretty in.

    "Grace, suicide is not an option", "SHUT UP". Grace left the bed and she ran out of the room. She keep running down the hall and the people who was there scream "Oh hamgod, What is that?", "Mom is that a monster", "Oh my Hamgod, What the he|| is that thing". She was confused, "Thing?".

    You. Cut. Your. braying. Skin. Off.

    Dickie: Really there is only one thing to say to this.

    I would be surprised she doesn't look like someone took battery acid to her face. And people in a hospital won't say that crap. People are way more considerate, ya puke.

    She finally enter in the bathroom and she look herself in a mirror. She scream. "WHAT THE HE|| HAPPNED TO MY FACE!?"

    Well, it seems like, wait for it...YOU CUT YOUR brayING FACE OFF AND SHOVED RAT POISON IN YOUR EYES! What the bray were you expecting to happen?

    The door opened and the medic enter. "Grace I'm sorry for your face, but you are ok and that the..." he can't finish and Grace said "bray YOU DOCTOR! I WANTED TO DIE!".

    Did a pretty crappy job of it.

    She looked everywhere for a weapon and in the ceiling was an iron pipe hanging.

    No, there wouldn't be. Unless it's a really crappy hospital. And in that case, I doubt they could have saved her. Then again it looks like they picked the skin off a few hobos. Dr. Nick! Cheapest surgery around!

    Grace jumped and took the iron pipe. "This is what you get for make me a monster!" Grace ran to the medic and she buries the weapon in his head.

    I wondered why I didn't see him on The Simpsons anymore.

    Dickie: Wow, you've officially downgraded yourself from "whiny teenager" to "MTV-cultivated scum of the earth".

    The blood was everywhere and she get over the bathroom. All the people was scared of she, all blody, with scars all over her body and with her black eyes. She said "You people... YOU ARE SCARED OF ME?"

    Duh, you just caved in the skull of the guy who saved you.

    Dickie: So she's going around killing people but not wanting to be feared as a killer? Oh my hamgod she's Niko Bellic!

    Mach: Grand Theft Auto: Creepypasta City

    all the people ran and Grace was so mad... In that moment, Grace make a promise "I will kill everybody who is scared of me".

    Why? No, really, why? Jason wanted to kill people because the camp counselors let him drown. Freddy kills kids because the parents on that street burned him alive. Jigsaw wants people to appreciate life. Why the bray are you killing people? Because you cut your own face off? That's braying stupid. As in, that is the stupidest reason for murdering someone I have ever heard. And I just finished watching a movie about a clown that kills people at a drive-through.

    An hour passed and the hospital was a graveyard. All the people was dead without their eyes.

    The eye part makes sense, but once again: It was her own fault.

    Grace exit from that place and she ran to her home. Her mom wasn't there. She took some clothing and she said "The fear is for cowards and ignorant people, I will kill those cowards... and mom... you are dead to me"...

    "Fear is for cowards." Is that why you tried to kill yourself?

    Mach: This burn is so intense that you inadvertently turned Dickie into a creepypasta character with melted flesh.

    When she turned 19 she keep killing like a monster, but now she kills with someone who won her heart. We are talking of her older P.E teacher, The Cat Hunter, so if you see those two close to you, try to don't have fear and don't watch The Cat Hunter... not so much...

    Blah blah blah, crap that doesn't matter.

    Well what can I say about this?

    Her whole story is pointless, her existence is self-defeating. Seems like she was written to be sympathetic, but everything is self-inflicted, thus making her just a puke.

    Dickie: Sympathetic to who? Teenagers who are ticked they didn't get fancy cars on their sweet sixteenth birthday? This OC is the braying embodiment of the worst people in every generation of teenagers.

    But as a creepypasta, what is supposed to be creepy? That she will sneak up on you at night? If it's trying to be the next Jeff the Killer, it's a failure.

    Alright, some constructive criticism. If you want to make the character even remotely likeable or relatable don't make her such a wench, give her an actual reason for wanting to commit suicide and don't do something like cut off all your skin and pour rat poison in your eyes, then wonder what happened to your braying face. The story is not even a tiny bit spooky, and there is nothing I could say that would help improve it. The only hope for this character is drop the "Creepypasta" title and just play it off as a grimdark stupid original character.

    Rat(poison)ings:

    Danny: I like the design, that's all/10

    Dickie: MTV/10

    Mach: EYES AS BLACK AS MY SOUL/10

    Oh wait, there is more!

    She has her own creepypasta. But it's so crappy it doesn't get reviewed! Ha! READ HERE!

    What is there to really say anyway, it's not a creepypasta, it's just a paragraph about how awesome and murderous this character is, and how nobody understands them, and everyone sucks.

    Blech, typical fanfic crap. But, well...it's something.

    Those candy canes, kind of look infected.

    And here we have Cavity by corgi-moon-pies I like the design again on this one, it looks like it would make a funny candy store owner, or something fun and happy. But it's a horror character. So long, potential!

    There is nothing about this that says horror. At all. I'm sure the candy would taste nice, but the green pus kind of makes me think she has past her expiration date.

    Since we don't want this to long I will be cutting out some crap for the rest of this.

    Name: Sweet Tooth (aka "The Cavity") most people just call her Sweety [her real name is Yvette]

    I knew a guy in jail called "The cavity" But for an ENTIRELY different reason.

    Age: 15

    National Origin: German

    Birthday: May 5th 1996

    This character was posted earlier this year, so she should be 17. Just saying.

    And I don't think people should put the year of a characters birth, unless their story is set in a specific time period. Day and month is fine, putting years gives you problems with the passage of time.

    Methods of Killing: Her claws can retract and extend to a certain amount of feet,

    How uncomfortable.

    GURRRRL LEMME STAB YU (AFTER AH GET MA NAILS DONE!)

    her saliva is unbearably sweet and on contact instantly starts to decay and rot, her teeth can also inject her saliva like a spider injecting venom into their victim

    So acid spit. I understand rotting away teeth and bones, but I don't know many sweets which rot away skin, unless you count Krokodil as a sweet.

    Likes: Sweet things, candy, things that give people a sense of thrill (like murder),

    Most people don't count murder as thrills, buuuut it's an "edgy" OC, so pointless murder and atrocities against humanity are pretty much like saying hello is in most other settings.

    being in a good mood and not having anything bad happen during the day, things decaying and rotting, oh and did i mention candy? She likes that a lot.

    Maybe she should like her rot, not just any rot. Have you smelled rotten meat? I mean, the maggots crawling out are pretty cool, but the smell is nasty.

    Mach: I wouldn't call wriggling maggots "cool" but it is kind of a rad metal band name.

    Maybe, the "acid sweet" could be a sort of rotting venom, kind of like Mummy Rot/Liquid Rot (D&D). But it's candy she eats.

    Dislikes: Anything sour tasting, cleanliness (anything, she'll mess it up because she's urged to), she dislikes very little

    Great lesson to teach kids, "don't shower, and a magical candy monster will come, made completely out of sweets, with candy cane spikes and gumdrop toenails."

    Mach: I dare you, readers with significant others, to call your girlfriend/boyfriend "gumdrop Toenails" as a pet name.

    Story: Ever since she was a little child, Yvette loved visiting her grandfather who was an inventor of candy in all shapes and sizes (think of Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, that kind of candy creator).

    Funny you should mention this, because I think this character would be much better as a Willy Wonka fancharacter. The candy monster!

    Whenever she came over her grandpa always warned her never to eat too much of his candy, or she might just turn into some; little did she know he was being serious rather than a cute joke everyone made when a child ate too much of something.

    Don't eat too much broccoli or you will turn into one!

    But one day her teeth she craving something sweet like a person going through withdraw from drugs and decided to get a few handfuls of delicious creations;

    That really needs punctuation. I mean, I get what she is saying, but at first glance it's like you had a stroke at the keyboard.

    some fizzed against her tongue, and even changed the color of her teeth!

    She should really brush more. Except, in the reference her teeth are normal-coloured.

    You know, I think it's the non-candy parts that make the character look pathetic. Replace the teeth with candy corn, or shards of rock candy. Change the eyes to gumdrops, or something on the same level. Make her hair strawberry laces, or candyfloss. Go all-out.

    More and more Yvette consumed, stopping for short breaks to take a breather; she drops the handful of goodies as she clutches her gut, she screams in pain. Everything before her eyes begins to change and distort itself,

    Oh no, it was totally rat poison!

    her body begins to slowly mutate, her nails into fiendish claws, as gum covers and welds to her arms, horns burst from underneath her skull, "w-what was this?" She thought as her pupils formed x's that crossed her vision into how you say, heat sensors.

    Psh! Your pupils do not suddenly become heat sensors if they become crossed. And what the bray do heat sensors have to do with candy? Wouldn't it make more sense for her eyes to see everything in "Gummyvision?"

    Odd enough pieces of literal candy broke through her shoulder blade as her blood changed from a crimson to a green, it smelled sweet as if apple flavored gummy bears were being melted with a torch. Falling to her knees, taking a good look at what she was becoming her at the girl's very eyes the flesh tone of her skin faded to a dull purple, her canines pulled and over grew, she had become a monster. Her grandfather runs onto the scene as his own grand daughter is writhing in pain, but something's different, this isn't his own family anymore. Yvette looses all control of the poison she ingested

    What poison? Has her father been poisoning her all these years? Does his crappy candy have some sort of additive that he was developing to avoid the radars, and to keep the kids coming back to taste his lollipop? I guess we will never know.

    as her claws dig deep into her grandpa's throat as all life drains from his body, throwing his corpse to the side she begins to drool, but it's so sweet and saturated as soon as the liquid hits his skin, it deteriorates and rots down to the bone,

    Didn't she throw him to the side? If you were going to eat him why throw away the body?

    with no one to intervene the factory was hers for the taking, a new place to live with all the candy she desired. And free to attack the living and causing one nasty cavity.

    Until the power bill came up, or the gas/electricity/rent/health inspectors, or workers/family/anything came along. Or until she realised one person can't run an entire braying factory.

    Mach: Even Wonka had the Oompa Loompas. Because it was a very realistic story.

    i hope you all like her design and story; I was thinking about it for a bit

    Well you didn't think enough.

    Well what can I say about this?

    crap, once again there is no "creepy" to it, just pointless murder. If you want to do a creepypasta with this, have it a monster that lives in a candy factory, and have the main story around bad things that happen to kids. How candy has hidden ingredients. She could be a seller of toxic candies to kids.

    But all in all, it seems like it would do better as a Willy Wonka fanfiction. Not something creepy or scary. Lose the crappy mutation stuff and murder. Replace it will you winning a golden ticket and eating all the experimental candy, turning you into this. He|| you could even go as far as lurking around the chocolate factory eating Oompa Loompas. I think that would actually be pretty cool. The Loompacabra.

    Ratings:

    Danny: Wasted Potential/10

    Mach: Candy Cola/10

    I could make a fortune teaching crappypasta fancharacters how to kill themselves, it seems.

    Mach: Not really. It's not like you'd have any return customers or word-of-mouth advertising.

    here's some background information..

    name- sadie (suicide sadie)

    Obviously, she doesn't live up to her namesake, if it took her that many slices to off herself. Ah well, practice makes perfect.

    age- 18

    At least she was smart enough to not put a year this time.

    height- 5'2"

    purpose- causing others to commit their own deaths to feel her pain when she had committed her own

    This character has the same problem as the emo puke. She is doing the revenge thing, stupidly.

    Mach: In fairness, it seems like spirits/undead in horror stories like to kill people for the sole reason that they were also killed horribly.

    scars- both achilles tendons are cut so she drags her feet, wrists are slit up to the elbow, her jugular is slit, an eye gauged out, her head bashed in from falling.

    Coming from someone who has had his Achilles tendon cut: Why the bray would you want that?!

    Mach: You wouldn't "drag your feet" if they were cut; you would be completely unable to stand or walk at all.

    As for wrist slices, remember kids, it's down the road, not across the street. Slice from the wrist, down to the elbow, then a warm bath to keep the blood flowing. Removing your eye is as stupid as the rat poison girl, it won't make you die any faster, it will just hurt more. If you want suicide and not attention, just braying do it. Don't drag it on with wussy cuts, just slice your throat first thing and lay upside down.

    Mach: You shouldn't tell people to kill themselves. Idiots already threaten to kill themselves over our posts.

    bray you, Mach! Emos are wusses! When you guys were stealing the razors from sharpeners to cat-scratch yourself and be all "dark and brooding," me and my friends poked nails through duck tape, stuck it to a football and volleyed that crap at each other for fun. Take your wussy crap somewhere else.

    friends- slenderman, splendorman, jeff the killer, BEN, masky, hoodie, smile, & clockwork

    enemies- zalgo, the observer, sexual offender man

    Blah blah blah, you have no friends!

    likes- nature, writing in her diary, being with her mother,

    Whoop, she died of a brain tumor, unless she can speak to the dead, she's pretty much done there.

    drinking hot tea, sleeping in, stuffed animals, the night sky, moonlight, curling up in blankets, fuzzy socks and anything fleece.

    dislikes- being abused by her father, being alone forever, rude people, getting up early, hot summer days, bullies, and sitting around doing nothing.

    Hey! Likes and dislikes are cool 'n' all but what does it have to do with being a creepypasta? Nothing!

    You are a ghost, or a zombie, or someone who is really bad at shaving. I don't think we want to know your favourite brand of tea.

    story- Her life was spiraling downwards, her mother died of a brain tumor that was dormant for some years, then afterwards her father became abusive to her, ripping her hair out and beating her till she bled,

    They have child services for that.

    years of this went by and she was sick and tired of it...though she couldn't bring herself to call the police.

    Hate to be a dork, but if she went to school, or anywhere public after being beaten to a bloody hairless pulp, the police would be called if she liked it or not. And if she never went to school that probably explains her lack of understanding of how the body works, and thus, where to correctly cut yourself.

    Looking at her battered and bruised body, she decided to end her suffering by beginning to mutilate herself, she had some sort of mental illness brewing as soon as the beatings began and her mother passing but it was never present at the time..until now..

    If you don't know the name of the mental illness which makes you want to take your eye out with a spoon, you shouldn't give it to your character.

    Mach: In general, if you use "some illness" or "some mental condition" in your bio, you're being a braying moron. Look up the causes and effects of the disease you want to give to your character first, then you can write them in there. Otherwise, stop writing. It's not like Wiki-braying-pedia is hard to access or understand.

    Taking the first step, she grabs a spoon and takes one of her eyes out; it felt good, she begins slitting her achilles and the wrists as the blood flows all over the bathroom floor,

    Okay, for people who don't know about the Achilles tendons, if that got sliced you would be flat on your face straight away. Imagine the thing that keeps your foot from bending 90 degrees upwards getting sliced in half. Though by the look of it, she just cuts of the skin like every other crappypasta character.

    she stumbles and waits to bleed out, but it's taking too long for her to be satisfied as she makes the final incision with the kitchen knife across her jugular, she smiles, falling her head cracks against the bathtub, making more of a bloody mess and a pool of blood engulfs the body.

    Want it done fast? Neck slice, straight away! Problem solved instantly.

    Mach: Stop encouraging this, you sexy British lunatic.

    Now she seeks out women around her age, as an entity, to show them the pain she had felt,

    Why?

    Mach: "As an entity?" Does she know what the he|| that word means? It means "...something that has the properties of being real, and having a real existence." So she stalks women as a real thing. Great. Wonderful. Very descriptive.

    the abuse of her father and the death of her mother causing the girl to end her life,

    But why?!

    as she can simply talk and some sort of dark aurora takes over the girl's minds and she ends their lives... by a knife, across their throats.

    No, seriously, why?! This is the same crap as the other characters, you don't give a reason why you are doing it. It's the big reason so many of these crappypasta characters suck so much, you are all pukes who have no motivation for your actions.

    You got forced to kill yourself by your father because you were to scared to get complete protection and safety.

    So instead you kill other girls your age, because you killed yourself?

    I am confused, if anything she should haunt abusive fathers, not normal girls. And her victims just suddenly kill themselves. This character is just braying stupid.

    i hope you all like the background story!

    Nope.

    Well what can I say about this?

    It's another puke character. You feel kind of bad for her because of what she goes through. But then she gets an appetite for gouging her eye out with a spoon and goes on a rampage killing innocent girls, for no reason.

    Constructive criticism: Tone down pointless violence. If you want tons of scars make them inflicted by the father. And don't get a ladyboner from mutilation. Make her haunt abusive parents. Have it so she will haunt them for a few days and if the people stand up to the abusers she kills the abusers, if they don't they get killed. Character suddenly becomes semi tolerable. Makes her murder thing make sense to, a sort of, "I couldn't do it, don't end up like me" thing.

    Ratings:

    Danny: Pointless/10

    Mach: Severed Jugular/10

    Oh hey, it's Roxas in Atlantis, after being hit by a speedboat.

    Sorry for picking on you so much, corgi, but your characters show up an awful lot.

    name- Sharpjaw

    That really should be a "Legend" name, like Bigfoot. I doubt his real name is Bigfoot, it's probably Gary, but everyone calls him Bigfoot.

    Mach: It just makes me think of sharptooths from A Land Before Time.

    age- 20

    Credit for a decent age.

    height- 5'7"

    purpose- not known

    That's great, leaves the character open for stuff. Shame I'm still going to crap all over it.

    scars- the slit on his neck and his missing eye is from a wound when he was just a child; shark attack (ironic yeah?)

    I was going to put a gif of a shark attack victim here, but that would be in poor taste. Instead have this.

    Totally not poor taste.

    And I am surprised he wasn't attacked more, seems like he is constantly bleeding. He should get that checked out. And shark attacks would not just take your eye and leave a pretty scar, just sayin'.

    friends- N/A

    enemies- N/A

    GOOD! I LIKE THIS! How creepypasta characters should be, it should not be about the love between you and an androgynous man in a white morphsuit, it should be all about the story. Now give me a demn story!

    likes- water, rain, swimming, anything that shines, collecting sea shells, being in high places such as lounging on a tree branch, eating anything salty, toying with people (you could say he's a trickster), and helping out the weak.

    Wait what? A creepypasta who likes helping out the weak? I know I just suggested a character that kills abusive parents but still.

    dislikes- dry places (like the desert), anything sweet, being misjudged, being close with anyone, talking about his past, anything soft (such as fleece), hot anything (tea, blazing sunlight, humidity), and being dehydrated.

    "I don't like things sharks don't like." Lets get to the braying story.

    story- As a young boy, he was born with a weird mutation from his mother's side, when he got older by each year his tailbone would stretch more and more to soon be a tail.

    Was it instant? I mean, if it was his birthday and he suddenly sprouted an extra spinal disk I would be concerned about where the bray it came from.

    It was only Sharpjaw and his mother,

    He must have a crappy mother for her to call him Sharpjaw.

    he never knew his father but got his appearance from his side of the family and his caring personality from his mother's side.

    See this is what happens at the end of that trash known as hentai. The violated asian woman gives birth to this thing.

    They lived on the shore, for his love of the ocean and water became apparent as he mutated with his personal admire for the sea;

    Sorry, but this is bugging me. Get a proofreader. If you are not sure about your English, always get a proofreader.

    Mach: That's why you have me, Dan.

    one day when he was only 6 a shark came up to the tide and pulled him under, causing the scar on his neck and the missing eye

    And he didn't die? Lucky basilisk. I mean, you are six years old. You just had your eye and throat torn out by a shark. And somehow not only did he let you go, you made it to shore. And didn't bleed out. At only six years old!

    which he replaced with his favorite childhood toy, a telescope for sailors which he has the ability to scope it to the full length and back to its shrunken state with his mind.

    I'm sorry, I didn't know being bit in the head by a shark gives you latent psionic powers. And you can't just stick a toy into the wound of a six year old and call it a day. His mother must really suck. Plus, as he aged he would constantly need new one... Why the bray am I reasoning with this?!

    As Sharpjaw got older, his mother became gravely ill and took her under his care everyday until one day; she passed and he was one his own to survive in the world but he was only 13..

    He got his face/neck bitten by a shark, has psychic powers, and probably some other hidden crap. He will be fine. Go eat a fish or something.

    He buried her body under the sand their house was built upon and lived there by himself; the house slowly wilted away like her body

    So eaten by crabs and seagulls. Oh hamgod! I can just picture it. He lays her to rest in the sand, and goes to sleep, two days later she gets washed away and shows up on shore again with seagulls picking at her hahahaha. Something is wrong with me I laughed at that for a good few minutes.

    Mach: Danny, I think this post is eroding the few fragile remnants of your humanity. Take a deep breath.

    as people feared him, calling him a monster and a freak of nature; this caused him to be furious and began attacking innocents, literally ripping their limbs apart with his teeth (hence the name Sharpjaw).

    So he is now murdering people, instead of going on the road as the world-famous Shark-Man. Seriously people, use what ya' gods gave you.

    Around the age of 16 he began to call himself a "vigilante," doing so called good crimes but in reality he was causing terror to the human race..

    By ripping appart innocents, yep! Those are some good deeds.

    A mob of angry people arrived at his home and burned it to the ground, luckily he escaped with his life but had no where to live; Sharpjaw now thrives in the woods of Slendy's territory,

    Conveniently, all these serial killers end up in Slendy's woods. Maybe what we don't realise is it's a mental asylum for psychos and monsters, they are just too stupid to notice. Turns out Slenderman is a side effect of the sedatives.

    Mach: I have a headcanon for all these creepypastas that are friendly with Slenderman/Jeff the Killer/etc. They're all kids who were so into all that creepypasta crap, that when they went insane, they imagined themselves becoming some horrific monster like the ones they...idolized, I guess. (Who the bray idolizes/romanticizes a monster? Aside from Belle?) They usually failed their suicide because they passed out from blood loss, and were saved (because it's really, really easy to fail a suicide when you do it in such a drawn-out way), and they imagine themselves being scary monsters who are friends with all the other scary monsters.

    It's a stupid headcanon, but I stand by it because it's somehow less stupid than the actual bios these dipsticks have.

    living in the depths of the lake Sadie ran into when she first had the incident where she met the Slenderman and he took her in.

    Which is totally relevant how?

    Mach: Wait, who's Sadie? I thought Suicide Sadie was the last OC? And this is a male character? Why is part of Sadie's bio written in here?

    He has the ability to breath underwater since his father's genes (not known to him) were part aquatic and has used this talent to suit his needs.

    Yes, he totally hunts pond frogs. If you had all these shark powers, why didn't you live in an abandoned ship wreck or something cooler than a pond.

    Mach: Why did his mother breed with a fish?

    He is a loner and is often hanging around throughout the forest;

    The woods which seem to be flooded with other "loners." Seriously, it's like the emo/goth kids who always hang out in packs but insist they are unique and different and alone, just like all the others.

    Listen, if you want a loner, you live in the woods, or become a wanderer. Not live in a crowded forest's pond.

    either in tree tops or at the bottom of the lake, that is until he was found walking around by the gang and easily was misjudged for one of Zalgo's henchmen after the incident with Sadie; but this is not the case..

    Blah blah, this has stuff to do with the story, read the link at the end of Sadie's character review if you really want to.

    Mach: Or, and here's a much better idea, don't.

    He is neutral in the party, not evil or friendly; just Sharpjaw forever being assumed as "one of the bad guys."

    You ate innocent people, and hang out in a forest full of serial killers and monsters who are also "totally not the bad guys." Choose your company better.

    Well what can I say about this?

    There is no real potential for this one. The story has been done a thousand times over and there are so many stupid additions that are just there for flavour.

    Mach: And those just add a bad flavor, as well.

    Why can he magically control a telescope?

    Why does that even work for an eye?

    How did he survive the shark attack?

    Why did his mother not seek help?

    Why did his mother not tell him his father was a Street Shark?

    Why did he decide to live in a forest, not the ocean, if he's a loner?

    How can he think he is not a bad guy when he butchered people?

    The story itself, as I said, has been done to death. "Oh no, a misunderstood monster who slaughtered a bunch of people. He isn't bad, totally guys!" And then he finds "solitude" with other monsters, but is totally a loner.

    Constructive criticism: Maybe make him know his father, have them both live on a fishing dock, and have the mother sickly from the start. Maybe they had to steal food from local fishermen, and became a local legend. But then something happens, and his father has to sacrifice himself so he can escape with his mother. They don't know if his father is dead, but he hasn't seen him. Him and his mother now live on a houseboat they stole, she is still ill, but slowly getting better as they sail across the world in search of his father.Of course, this means it would lose the creepypasta aspect...but not like it matters because once again, this crap is about as creepy as a third beat.

    Ratings:

    Danny: Psychic viewing glass/10

    Mach: Fishbreed/10

    So this is the end of it. We have one more character, but it was such a joke we're doing it separately. I'm still not sure if it is legit or not, we have yet to see.

    Don't make creepypasta fancharacters. They rarely, if ever, work. If you want to do a horror character, don't make it anime. In fact, try to avoid it entirely. You are just glorified murderer characters, with no real story, or any real personalities behind your characters' origins. You act without reason, you go over-the-top with self mutilation in an attempt to be "grimdark" and "edgy," but it's impossible to relate or empathise with any of these when they blame everyone else for their stupid problems.

    Now, I know you guys want to fit in and be the cool kids, but it won't work. Jeff the Killer was crap, he got lucky. Slenderman was different, but half you fareaks only know about him because of the game, or pewdiepie. What you think of as creepypastas are nothing more than carbon copies of crap written by morons who wouldn't know horror if it kicked them in the butt and gave them a reach around.

    There are good horror/creepypastas out there. But that list will never include your crappy animu characters. They will not be about video games either, that crap is a whole other ballgame.

    So, in closing, bray crappypasta fancharacters. Here, have some more animeshark.

    Uguu~

    If you guys have horror stories/creepypasta for me to read, go for it, post it in the comments or submit them here. I will happily read your creepypastas, and I will gladly pull apart any crappypasta characters.

    pukecount: 17


      Current date/time is Mon Oct 23, 2017 2:41 pm