Danny Green's Creepy Pasta Mary Sue Reviews/Critiques 1
Edited for language. In most cases, the f-bomb was replaced with the words 'blast' 'mess' and 'bray' because they might as well be braying if they can't think of anything better to say The four-letter c word was replaced with 'puke' and so on..
Something everybody does is hold the subgenera of horror known as creepy pasta up as something like sacred. They all go on about whether or not some character is worthy of being classified as a creepy pasta, as if that is some sort of honour.
It is not.
Creepy pasta is not sacred by a long shot due to where it originated and because of its viral nature. 4chan chain letters AKA memes with a horror bent, basically. Even the notorious Teddy chain letter is a creepy pasta.
So if it's a Mary Sue, it isn't unworthy to be a creepy pasta, it belongs there.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Hey guys, Danny Green here. Today I will be covering a whole pile of crap. That crap's name is "Creepypasta OCs." Let me just start by saying that this shouldn't even be a braying thing.
Creepypasta is a term derived from "copy pasta." Meaning stories that were copied and pasted over and over on the various *chans and other forums. The creepypasta is from 4chan's /x/ board where the short horror stories were posted. But of course, nothing stays good for long. After so long you started getting crappy creepypastas which are nothing more than "bleeding blood gore gore blood grim gore" with nothing really attached to it to make it spooky.
And then Slender came out.
SOS POOKY RITE GUYS?!
Now I don't blame Slenderman. I blame part of it on Slender the game. Slenderman is actually decent, and the Marble Hornets adaptation was pretty entertaining. But the Slender game? It's nothing more than cheap jump scares from a crappy tube-armed store mannequin.
I feel like this should have been the starting picture. IT'S MY SLENDERMAN OC!
The blame can't be entirely shifted onto the game, but it is one of the key factors. Without one person the Slender game would be nothing more than another horror flash game fading away into obscurity. Nope, the key reason for this popularity and the sudden burst of creepypasta OCs is Pewdiepie, now the most subscribed user on YouTube. Now, I'm not going to rag on the guy, I have nothing against him or what he does, but he is the reason the Slender game became as big as it is. With that popularity, and the internet's habit of making anything into an eye-bleeding monstrosity of a fancharacter, we now dive head first into the world of creepypasta fancharacters.
Now there were a few ways I wanted to start this section. I could show some "original" characters, or do some fancharacters... But on closer inspection, 90% of these universe-bleeding abominations are best booty buddies with Jeff the killer, "Ben Drowned," or are touching tentacle dipsticks with Slenderman and Zalgo. Yes, they are best friends with Zalgo, the internet equivalent of Cthulhu and a haunted N64 cartridge.
Let's not even get into the shipping. Well, not yet.
So let's start with some crap, continue with more crap and sprinkle in a litte bit of positivity if we can. Don't worry I wont cover everything for a large chunk of these characters because I would be repeating. I will however pull out a few to pick on.
For these two characters we'll be starting with, their supposed creepypastas don't even qualify as that. They are nothing more than crappy characters with death and killing stapled to them for no reason.
You can't be creepy unless you hide your hands.
How do I start with these two. They are both made by the same guy, hey both have the same fashion sense and have the same hair. Hell they both are totally enemies to an internet zalgo and a genderbent Jeff the killer. And they both have those lovely stats that are unknown.
Heigh 5'4 I guess~
Age 14 or 15
Birthday 1st april (April fools~! >:'D)
At least the author was kind enough to acknowledge these two are jokes of horror characters.
And you can't miss:
Reason: She can't swim because her Mum and Dad didn't want her to learn how to swim~
Her shyness is because she is afraid that people won't find her scary.
And let's not forget the thing that made me pick these out the ocean of slime.
~ She really needs a boyfriend or girlfriend if you want to make a boyfriend or girlfriend for her tell me ok~
That's right, you could date this lovely serial killer...thing! Just call now and give this guy attention.
bray it, on to the next.
No, guys, this isn't TF2's Pyro. It's PYROMANIA! What? No! I'm being super serial guys! I'm not sure if this counts as a creepypasta or a TF2 Character. Even then, it's just The Pyro. If he went to a disco.
Okay, minus the belt things. But let's not just look at the appearance and have a look at the bio. Let's see, abused by parents, fifteen years old, 5'5 height, moved to a foster family, started burning things, friend gave them a flamethr... wait what?! I'm sorry but what kind of friend gives someone with a fetish for burning things a braying flame thrower?
Minus the horrifying writing of that bio, what the bray does this have to do with creepypastas? Or horror at all? Same with most of creepypasta characters, they have nothing to do with it. They are just characters with killing/death/gore/blood/etc. stuck in at random places to try and make them seem edgier and cooler than they could ever hope to be.
This thing is just Pyro. Even the gender ambiguity. And at the end nobody knows what he is? How hard would it be to go to the adoption agency and find that out, if he didn't don the outfit until he was fifteen, he would have had plenty of time for his gender to be identified, by everyone!
The town around, the town before the move, his friend, anyone in the orphanage, et cetera et cetera.
I think the real creepypasta should be about the guy who gives random people flamethrowers!
Right, errr. Likes to burn and kill, doesn't like not being allowed to burn and kill, blah blah blah. Typical bullcrap.
She's actually pretty adorable.
She is adorable. Not in the least bit scary. But then again, when you try to make something kawaii as bray into something scary, you will rarely braying succeed. Big question though, about the blood and torn clothes. Why does she not have a scratch on her? You would think she would at least have a few wounds. Ah well.
Name:Envy her real name I'll tell it later
She got bullied by the girls at her private all girls school
Envy's character and story © Angel Gavi Ai
What story? That's not even a full line of text, is that what qualifies as a story now days?
No one is authorized to use Envy in anything without my permission. Thank you!
You know, people keep saying that. It doesn't stop me.
You know what? These characters have inspired me to make my own Creepy character.
If all you need for a creepy backstory is being bullied I can do it to right?
I present to you all, Vic Techiha. He was bullied in school, so he killed everyone. The last thing you hear before you die is "Let's eat breakfast!"
There was one more I was going to add, but I think I made my point.
Dickie's note: No you haven't, there needs to be more of this. Please.
Fine, hamgod braying dammit Dickie.
Two more, but that's it for this one. Let me just rummage through my magical bag of OCs...
Okay, I have two I hate and love.
Hey it's the ring girl. On meth.
Ingrid. Right, starting off with positivity, I braying love the art style, I love the body language, the frizzy hair, pretty much everything about this, except for the obvious link I could make to Sadako (girl from ring). But even then, that's like a staple Japanese horror thing. Little girls with black hair over their face. I can't fault her for that. Especially under the robes you see the differences. I even like the name.
Now if I saw this walking through an abandoned hospital I would be braying worried. Well, first I would be worried that I just walked into some organ-harvesting gang's hideout. But ghosties are a close second.
All in all I love the design. I think it puts other creepypasta OCs to shame. A solid 8/10, but I deducted a point for bleeding eyes. Subconjunctival hemorrhaging is caused by trauma. Also constipation, but mostly trauma.
I REALLY NEED TO POO.
That would cause the red eyes but to actually cry blood it would be hemolacria... both are possible but still so braying rare, it's like heterochromia for creepypastas. But here is where I was really let down. The bio.
Her backstory will be uploaded shortly
This was submitted in January. So, I'm not holding my breath. If the author does update and it turns out the backstory is good I will openly apologise, but it still doesn't mean the rest is good.
- she is sometimes socially awkward.
- she's independent
- she can be timid
- she'll only use violence in self defence or revenge
- she overreacts to negative comments made about her
Oh great. Hopefully the praise cancels this out.
- can be short tempered at times.
With the whole overeacting, socially awkward, and timid, I think she will be using violence a lot thinking it's "self defence."
Method of killing:
- haunting her victims until they are forced to commit suicide.
Classic ghost stuff.
- Possessing her victims to kill themselves in gruesome ways.
- Using telekinesis to tear her victims apart.
This is something I am not a huge fan on, the telekinesis part turns the character from creative how will it happen and tormenting to "I point at you, you die." Of course, all this is only in self-defence.
- She has long black, messy hair...strands of hair can be seen sticking out.
- wears a patients robe.
- has bandages on her arms and legs.
- has cracked, bloody lips
A feature I love is that most of these OCs are extremely anime, with perfect everything but "horrible scars and disfigurements" that don't detract from anyone's opinions.
- Fingers are stained from wiping away bloody tears
- has blood running down her nose
I hate that. Getting a nosebleed I mean. You see I have a mustache, and when the blood gets all clogged up in my mustache, it's a pain in the arse to get it out, and you just end up tasting pennies for ages.
- caring for neglected animals
- chocolate covered pocky
- classic cartoons
Who doesn't ?
- gangnam style XDD
- watching 80's action films
These would be interesting if you put them as a weakness. Like, she is haunting you, but if you put on some old cartoons, she stops and you hear laughing and a shadow in front of the TV. That would be fantastic.
I hate chick flits! Dem got dam chick flits.
- soap opera's
- scripted reality shows
Aren't they all scripted now?
- unprovoked attacks
To be fair I don't think any attacks against her would be unprovoked. Just saying.
- Jeff the killer
Nobody likes... Okay lots of people do but yer, Jeff sucks.
- ignorant people.
Admittedly, the bio isn't to bad. A few minor irks, but I really would like to read the backstory.
Character review? 6.5 or 7/10 Currently my OC of the year. The bio isn't too bad because there's nothing in it. Granted. saying "OC of the year" isn't saying much for this blog...
HURRAY MORE POSITIVITY!
Makeuzie Nemeth..? I hope I got that right. braying terrible name. In future the artist needs to use a more readable font. Oh! Oh sorry, Mekenzie, which is an actual name.
I like the design, lets start with the girl. An albino with good fashion sense, reasonable coloring, hair that isn't ridiculous? Holy bray I found someone whose design I don't even think Mach could hate.
Mach's Note: You underestimate me. I hate everything and everyone. Her eyes are too big and red and the monster form looks like a deranged llama crossed with Emil from Nier.
Now the monster. I like half of it, the half that has skin.
The other half is a bit ridiculous. Not going to mention how the muscles don't actually work, but the bones without the muscle to hold them together would just fall apart, especially with a character this size and weight. And again with the hemolacria. Design wise, I really like...half of it. So it gets, a half score. Half out of full. Now let's get to the letdown of this character, its bio.
Date of birth: October 8th 1996
Technically seventeen now.
Species: Hybrid Demon
Half-human half-demon half-skin missing.
THE LANGUAGE IS ENGLISH YOU hamgODDeMN brayING YANKEES!
I think it was supposed to be quiet.
Dangerous, Creative, Imaginative, angry, insane, ill-tempered
So, a psycho.
Murder skill: Claws, venomous spit, teeth, powerful strength, heat-vision.
Heat-vision made me laugh for a good five minutes. braying laser vision, pew pew!
likes: Bones, weird objects/people, cryptozoology,
Study of hidden animals. (Bigfoot, Nessie, etc.)
Dislikes: Seeing something in unbearable pain,
But you are a murderer with a blood fetish etc.
Fetishes: Painting in blood, constantly cleaning hair/fur.
This is now on my hard drive titled "fetishes.jpg"
Fears: Transforming into her beast, manslaughter.
Sexual preference: Male
Weakness: Rune stones & cats
Cats is a semi-interesting fear. So when you are fighting this thing, duct tape a couple of cats to your hands.
Strengths: Blood & Twilight
Stephenie Meyer gives her super strength.
Philosophy: By daily dying, I have come to be.
Okay, I have no idea what this is. Dickie or Mach, you handle this bit.
Dickie: Pretentious bullcrap? I don't know, maybe she's gone through a lot of life changing hardships. The real definition doesn't really go with this character well. You've probably heard me use the word pretentious a lot. I'm one of those people who can't stand most poetry and stuff similar to it.
Mach: It means rejecting your former self to improve and become the person you are/aim to be.
History: As a little girl, Makenzie has always loved crystals and stones. When she was 13 years old, she uncovered a cave about a mile from home.
If my thirteen-year-old daughter was obsessed with crystals and stones then went into the woods a mile away from home, I would only assume she is doing drugs. Or selling drugs. Or a combination of the two. Protip: Don't smoke your product, that's a loss of profit right there.
Travelling to it's depths she found a giant rune stone, as the saying goes. "Curiosity killed the cat" The stone instantly morphed her body into a beast.
Wouldn't something like this be hidden better? Not just sitting in a braying cave?
Makenzie couldn't control it; the blood lust was to great. She slaughtered her whole family and abandoned her friends as the burden was to great.
Where the bray was she living that there wasn't another person within a mile, and why would it only go for her parents, and not anything else?
To this day she loves company but is afraid of butchering them when least expected.
"Hey everybody I made you all cookieeeEESRTGWESGERSTGFSG" She then hulks out and butchers everyone. At the cinema, "AAUGHGASWHGWSOIGHSG," hulks out, kills the entire room. Oh hamgod. The situations that could occur.
The transformation has turned her eyes red, she used to wear glasses but her vision has improved due to hunting skills. She prefers to hunt at night; Less humans.
Hey, look on the bright side, you may have killed your family and be constantly alienated from everyone you could ever hope to love. But at least you don't have to wear glasses.
Favourite music: Dubstep, hard rock, blyes, jazz, classical.
Just say "everything."
(Daemon) Height: 8'4
(Human) Height: 5'4
The only time she smiles is in her demon form. She is normally very grief stricken.
How sad. How very sad.
The bio was pretty stupid, making the rating a third out of a full. Design is still nice though.
And there are your two more, Dickie. Suck my braying Nintendo you piece o--
[The remaining rambling of curse words was removed by the editor for the following reason: No, Danny.]
This was my introduction explaining where all these pieces of crap are coming from and how a good chunk of them have nothing to do with creepypastas or horror in general.
You don't make a creepypasta fancharacter. You make new creepypastas, and if you are making creepypasta OCs to dance around and roleplay with your other serial killer buddies, you are doing it for all the wrong reasons.
Make a little roleplay forum or something where you can all pretend to be murderers and see who can out-bleed the other one, or who can come up with the stupidest catchphrase. Or hey, you can even have a forum puzzle of "Figure out just who Jeff is drooling over!"
Just picture it now. A new person joins, who is also Jeff's long lost lover/twin and is killing everyone with Slenderman and The Rake because the popular girl in school didn't invite her to her birthday party. Then we get to play the "Who's bedding Jeff!" game all over again! Hurrah.
But even then, these characters are not Creepypasta characters unless they have a story, and based off the ones I have read up to this point their stories are about as close to creepy as Twilight is to Dracula.
None of the characters who I didn't grade in my comments even qualify as Creepypasta characters in my eyes, so I am not going to dignify them with a grade.
I will say this though: Envy is braying adorable.
In part two I will be covering characters with actual biographies, and the butchering of creepypasta characters in the eyes of the fandom.
This is Danny Green reminding you to stay the bray away from video game creepypastas, they are 99% crap.