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    100+ Reasons Twilight Sucks

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    Ocean Elf
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    100+ Reasons Twilight Sucks

    Post by Ocean Elf on Mon Jun 19, 2017 6:48 pm

    100 Plus Reasons Twilight Sucks



    This was taken from 100 Reasons Twilight Sucks by michaela0823 of LJ topic posted Wed, April 22, 2009 - 9:41 AM by Elska aka Saxon, but with some edits for language, changes, and additions.

    100 Reasons Twilight Sucks is now:

    140 Reasons Twilight Sucks

    1. Twilight generated another obsessive whackadoo fandom.

    2. Girls as young as elementary school are reading this. It’s giving them damaging ideas of what they should be—helpless, hopeless, dependent.

    3. It’s also making them think that some knight on a white horse (or a vampire in a Volvo) is going to come sweep them off their feet. Sorry, kids—not gonna happen.

    4. It inspired abysmal fan fiction, one of which eventually became the pukefest known as the violent erotica Shades Of Grey and series.

    5. It generated ranters who ranted about how the vampire "mythos" was being destroyed, when that was already done before with Buffy and Angel.

    6. Sometimes a "mythos" needs a few holes knocked into it and to be taken down a notch or twenty. Come on, it's all imaginary. Sure, there are a few rules that should never be broken, I.E. Vampires are predators, not lovers. Vampires can never be vegetarian because they suck blood, period. But please stop with the conniptions over Renesmee's conception already. If a vampire can't produce because he is "dead" then by the same logic, he also shouldn't be able to move, let alone laugh, sigh, cry, feed, you get the idea.

    7. The plot is weak to the point of being almost nonexistent.

    8. What is there defies logic.

    9. The books promote unhealthy relationships in general. And that does matter.

    10. Bella is infatuated with a vampire.

    11. Vampires are supposed to be scary, not mushy-tween-romantic. They’re DEMONS, for Gosh sake. SOULLESS. ETERNALLY DAMNED. DEMONS. They don't love humans beyond having them as a main course. And they like it that way. That is how it should be.

    12. Edward is attracted to Bella because she smells delectable to him, as in, omnomnom tasty!

    13. That’s not love, that’s lust on her part and both lust and predatory on his.

    14. Bella doesn't care, because she thinks he's so hot, and that's all that matters to her.

    15. Bella has no life (hobbies, friends that matter to her, interests, motivations, desires) outside of Edward.

    16. Bella gives up college, a job, a human future, and her soul to be with Edward.

    17. Her life loses all meaning without him, and she tries to kill herself when she leaves.

    18. Tweens take note: “perfect, wonderful gentlemen” do NOT screw with your car to keep you from seeing your friends.

    19. Nor do they take you hostage.

    20. Nor do they manipulate you to do and be what they want.

    21. Sneaking into a girl’s room and watching her sleep isn’t romantic, it’s incredibly creepy and stalkerish and just plain wrong.

    22. Threatening/attempting suicide does not true love make.

    23. Bella tries to kill herself to hear Edward’s voice in her head.

    24. And if it was, say, Tyler instead of Edward—would that still be okay, Twilight fans?

    25. He has anger issues and takes them out on Bella.

    26. Edward is, therefore, emotionally controlling and—guess what?—abusive.

    27. Edward is emotionally abusive.

    28. Edward is verbally abusive.

    29. Edward is psychologically abusive.

    30. Edward is physically abusive.

    31. Edward destroys property that doesn't belong to him.

    32. Edward gets his family to kidnap, hold Bella hostage, and monitor her every move.

    33. And he and Bella both excuse this abuse by calling it "protecting" her.

    34. Edward is horribly insecure.

    35. Edward is insanely possessive.

    36. Edward doesn't want Bella to have any friends but him.

    37. Edward could easily kill Bella and they both know it.

    38. Bella doesn't care, and still thinks he's "perfect".

    39. When Edward says something is Bella's fault, Bella agrees submissively.

    40. Edward sparkles in daylight.

    41. Edward’s much-gushed-over “perfection” is no substitute for the personality he lacks. In short, he’s a Gary Stu.

    42. On top of that, he’s cold and dead. Ew. How is that hot?

    43. Why on earth would anyone go to high school for all eternity?

    44. If a real guy talked like Edward, any girl would laugh in his face.

    45. Love at first sight—yeah, right.

    46. Bella is supposed to be the protagonist and yet she manages not to learn anything or grow at all—throughout FOUR books.

    47. And despite all of these things that are supposed to be so great about her…she’s boring.

    48. She has no personality. Everything readers supposedly “learn” about her is told. We never see her “in action”, demonstrating this supposed personality.

    49. Bella is vain and childish.

    50. Bella has an irrational phobia of growing old and that sort of explains why she would rather be a vampire.

    51. Bella is helpless. She’s a damsel in distress.

    52. She can’t walk two feet without her precious Edward saving her.

    53. In fact, she doesn’t have to do anything, because Edward will do it all for her.

    54. She doesn’t do anything except angst.

    55. She whines constantly.

    56. She's shallow.

    57. There are heavy implications that people who are plain or ugly (Bella is not, no matter how many times she says it) are completely worthless.

    58. “I guess my brain will never work right. At least I’m pretty."

    59. Bella is a brat.

    60. None of Bella's other friends (Mike, Jessica, etc.) matter to her. At. All.

    61. Neither do her parents, apparently—which is even more worrying.

    62. In addition to generally not caring about them, she’s disrespectful and bratty to her dad and condescending to her mom.

    63. Bella’s dad got her a car…and she’s brat-snarky about it because it was free. Way to be grateful.

    64. Bella's mother is written as an irresponsible weakling who can't take care of herself, and who is a nagging source of worry for Bella, who, really doesn't actually give a darn when it really counts.

    65. Bella's mother supposedly didn't want Bella making the same mistake she did by marrying right out of school.. Yet, she views Bella as a satellite orbiting around Edward, and is just amazed and cool with that.

    66. Basically, some characters make a token effort at advising others not to mess up their lives, or trying not to mess up their own, unless the end result is to please Edward Cullen, who is "perfect" so that makes it all okay.

    67. Bella's father is a hick who expects a girl to wait on him.

    68. No rules apply to Bella, or Edward. At. All.

    69. She faints at the sight of blood in Twilight…but can drink a cup of it straight in Breaking Dawn?

    70. If Bella’s so ordinary and plain, why are at least five guys drooling over her?

    71. Bella is an idealized, oh-so-special, can-do-no-wrong stand-in for both author and reader. In short, she’s a Mary Sue.

    72. “Renesmee.”

    73. She is an epic Mary-Sue. Seriously? Reading Tennyson?

    74. The Renesmee birth scene. *shudders* EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW— ! Of all the things to come out of an imagination, this rapidly growing, toothy vampire kid who tried to eat her way out of her own mother… Just, ugh. Why?

    75. The whole bit where Jacob imprints on her is all sorts of wrong.

    76. Imprinting is pedophilia.

    77. And it is child grooming.

    78. And just downright creepy.

    79. Imprinting is a really perverted view of the concept of soul-mates.

    80. It’s also sexist (as is the entire series)—the girls get no choice in the matter.

    81. the name is about the nicest thing that can be said about Renesmee. It's slightly better than Albus Severus, or Katniss and Peeta.

    82. The apple: SYMBOLISM FAIL. The cover and the Bible-verse epigraph don’t relate to the story at all. Forbidden fruit? No. Just no.

    83. Appearance and gender biases.

    84. Native Americans (they’re the “bad” werewolves, while the “good” vampires are all…freakishly, supernaturally pale. Ouch.)

    85. All the negative blonde stereotypes. This book is prejudiced based on looks.

    86. All the negative female stereotypes.

    87. All the negative male stereotypes. This book is prejudiced based on gender

    88. None of the female characters exhibit a desire for anything more than marriage and children.

    89. The males still call all the shots.

    90. There are no strong, independent female characters in the series.

    91. There are no strong, independent males in the series. Only those that think they are.

    92. How come Bella's dad Charlie could take care of himself for years…until Bella got there?

    93. The only girl who might have been somewhat promising in the personality department was Alice, But she is a vampire.

    94. And she also turned out to be obsessed with girly stuff.

    95. The reason Rosalie became a vampire was because she was raped and murdered, and then some dude came along just before she died and bit her, turning her into a vampire.

    96. The only reason Rosalie doesn't want Bella to actively seek out vampirism is because it would mean that Bella, as a vampire, couldn't make babies.

    97. But Edward still could... Renesmee...

    98. Rosalie's only regret about being a vampire is that she can't make babies.

    99. The males still expect to be waited on.

    100. They are possessive.

    101. They are oggling idiots.

    102. They are machismo and insecure.

    103. Unlike females such as Leah the werewolf, or any girl who gets vamped, The males are never rendered sterile under any circumstances.

    104. Drinking animal blood instead of human blood does not make a vampire a vegetarian. Calling Ed Cullen such is as logical as calling a fire with blue flame in it an ocean.

    105. Also, for said blood-drinking, they kind of need fangs. Even though fangs aren’t pretty.

    106. VAMPIRES. DON’T. SPARKLE.

    107. What’s worse is taking an entire culture, the Quileutes, and fictionalizing it and its mythology to fit one’s whims.

    108. The storyline is trite and cliché.

    109. There is no deeper point to the books: they’re pure wish fulfillment.

    110. The characters are trite and cliché.

    111. A common trait of Mary Sues is that they tend to have names depicting their special-ness. The name of Bella Swan, the ugly duckling, means…beautiful swan.

    112. Bella never became a beautiful swan. She became a vampire.

    113. Clumsiness is not a character flaw. It’s a fake-out so Meyer can say, “See? She’s not perfect! She’s not a self-insert! She’s an independent character!”

    114. The characters are all underdeveloped.

    115. The characters are impossible to relate to on levels beyond “Bella has brown hair and she’s clumsy! Like me!” Which probably goes for more than half of tween girls.

    116. The side characters are either epic Sues (the Cullens) or pointless and flat.

    117. Even those characters that could have had potential were ignored in favor of Boring and Sparkles.

    118. THESAURUS ABUSE! Fancy words are not necessarily better words.

    119. The prose is purple amethyst! Deep, luscious, dazzling amethyst that scintillates and glitters incandescently in the sun!

    120. Not to mention, it’s also insanely repetitive.

    121. Describing a character’s physical characteristics a few times: good. Describing how OMGZGORGEOUS a character is hundreds of times: hamgod-awful.

    122. Meyer doesn’t show, she tells. All of the characters’ traits (especially Bella’s) are told to the reader; we never see them in action.

    123. It’s in first person. That’s not necessarily bad, except this first person is all inane babble about insignificant details of Bella’s life.

    124. Twilight reads like something out of the maturity of a notebook from freshman year.

    125. It's supposed to, because it's from the POV of a high school girl who is far more interested in boys, especially Edward and Jacob than she is in studying and making something of herself, no matter how many times she claims otherwise.

    126. The only difference between Twilight and fanfiction.net is marginally better grammar.

    127. And even that isn’t so great sometimes. English major fail.

    128. Girls who fit bad stereotypes and are given limited roles and capabilities. Boys who are bad stereotypes and unlimited in their ability to reproduce. Perpetual high school student for centuries. Girl falls for some guy who has to resist temptation to swig her blood. Purple prose. People from elementary school to middle age got way into this series. Why?

    129. If you’re going to write about a real place, make sure you get it RIGHT.

    130. If you’re going to build things up for an epic battle, actually have an epic battle.

    131. Chagrin. It means a particularly bitter type of vexation, disappointment, often compounded with embarrassment. It is not simply being generally ticked off or going into a blind rage.

    132. Good novels don’t have their origins in dreams and a few months of slapdash writing.

    133. The cheesy fairy-tale ending. Just the last sentence has enough saccharine sweetness to initiate the gag reflex. Joy and sparkles and rainbows from here to eternity…no. Just no.

    134. Bella didn’t sacrifice anything to earn that cheesy happy ending.

    135. Incessant parallels to Romeo and Juliet (a satire on teenage stupidity!) and Wuthering Heights (which is more a study of mentally disturbed characters than “OMG, tru wuv!”) prove that Meyer totally missed the point of both works.

    136. Actually, she just needs to stop comparing Twilight to any classic literature whatsoever.

    137. Meyer/Bella’s fixation with Austen is incredibly ironic, considering Austen is everything (and more) that Twilight wants to be and fails miserably at.

    138. Twilight is not, and will never be, “a great love story” or “a romance for the ages.” Bella and Edward will never ever be Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, or better still, Edward Rochester and Jane Eyre. They’re the FAIL version of a misinterpreted Cathy and Heathcliff, but they’ll never be a true classic romantic couple.

    139. Twilight is not worthy to be called a "saga".

    140. Way too many ranters don't stick to venting about how awful everything about the Twilight series is. They can't resist getting in petulant personal attacks on Meyer herself. Come on. She's not the only one to churn out tripe that somehow got published and a following. Not the only one by far. Stick to ranting about the books and the characters, but don't attack Meyer personally.


      Current date/time is Mon Oct 23, 2017 2:41 pm